When your relationship is over, the dust has cleared, the kids are there, and it feels like your life is over, ladies, pick up your head and love yourself. A relationship, whether one month or 10 years, does not define who you are as a person, nor does it diminish your worth. And when your “significant other” goes on his merry way, you must become significant to yourself once again. All too often women follow a course of pity and low self-esteem after the dissolution of their union, be it relationship or marriage, and don’t believe they are worthy of love and will never have a relationship again. But this too shall pass. Surely the moment you begin to love yourself and live your life again, you will be available for someone to love you again.

Reposition yourself

Don’t hang on to the past. Reposition yourself in your personal life to regain control over your situation. This includes letting go of his friends and his family and his hangout spots. Ladies, you know how you do. We lurk around his loved ones and in his stomping grounds trying to hang on to his essence and waiting for him to show up so we can show out and let him know how much he should be missing us.

Get real!

He is already moving on and was likely moving on during the relationship, which is why you all dissolved things in the first place. Don’t let yourself be caught like a puppet, shuffling and jiving to the vicissitudes of his life.

Your priority should be rediscovering yourself. This may include taking up a hobby to discover what you are good at, getting involved in activities to break the depression that sets in when you’re alone, going to school to improve your life situation, or changing careers to do what you always wanted to do in life. You must become intimate with yourself again. Once you know the ins and outs of yourself, you’ll be much more equipped to love all the wonderful things about you that make you you. And you’ll be spiritually together to begin traveling the path of dating again.

Let yourself be loved

It’s really hard to let go of the last relationship. Of that enduring love you had. Of the feeling of security in knowing “You got a man at home,” as Chante Moore memorably sang years ago. You don’t have a man at home though. And, unfortunately, if your last relationship scarred you, you will go through your next few relationships turning down good men and blaming them for the faults of your ex.

You can’t go forward if you don’t allow yourself to be loved. You can’t move forward if you are carrying a burden of pain. You can’t go into a healthy relationship if you are still carrying around the anger of your last union. If the relationship or marriage was a bad union, let it go. Don’t judge the next man by that situation. If necessary, seek counseling until your mind is in a state of forgiveness and calm so that you can let yourself be loved.

Ladies, don’t let your last relationship keep a good man down. Help these good men who are looking for a good woman find you by reclaiming your essence and putting out positive energy into the world. The moment you start loving yourself and enjoying your life, good things will come to you. When it comes to getting involved again, be discerning and be prayerful and the right man will come into your path at the right time-only if you allow yourself to be open to being loved.

Angelic Jones

I am a native Chicagoan with a love for my city. I was born on the South Side. I am most interested in health and living. I attended University of Phoenix for a Masters in Health Administration and a Masters...