Black women’s solitary identity is embedded in American culture now. The statistics don’t lie and they have been pounded into heads by the media. Black women are told daily that they are more educated than black men, more single than women in other races, and more alone now than they have ever been.
Black women remain the least likely to be married in their lifetime. They will look after their children alone. That means they rely on men outside of their family for help raising disciplining their children.
The Penn State scandal is an example of someone preying on needy families. Black families are so broken that black women seek a man fix (stand in) to help them raise their children.
The black family has been deteriorating since the end of the Civil Rights Movement. The movement was for change but some of the changes and gains that occurred actually opened the door for major losses for black people. One of those losses was the implementation of the welfare system with projects for housing. This, with the developing criminal system, created an environment ripe for systemic division by sex in the black household.
The divide would create mothers utilizing the welfare system to raise children which gave them power in money and goods as long as the father was not present to be the breadwinner, and fathers would leave because they could not provide. Affirmative action assured access to education and jobs that discrimination would have prevented these men from getting. But latent anger forced them away from positively protesting against injustice in the system, and some resorted to petty crimes to support themselves. This supported the criminal justice system that thrives on incarcerating ethnic males at a higher rate than other races for petty crimes.
Race and class issues began to divide the black couple. Women raised their daughters to become educated if the resources existed. If not, that daughter fed the welfare system. Women loved their boys but, lacking the skill to raise them, lost them to the streets.
Mentoring programs grew from the need to provide help for needy families. Mothers could count on mentors to help them with elevating their daughters and, especially, their sons to another level. Opportunities to escape the welfare system came from educational and/or recreational activities at nonprofit mentoring organizations. The options created an environment for women to be dependent on the community and volunteers to help them in raising sons and daughters with an opportunity to escape poverty.
Predators view mentoring as an opportunity. They can fill a deficit and also satisfy their own perverse need. The predator assesses the need of the mother for help raising and guiding her children and lends a helping hand while preying on the child. Mothers have to be vigilant of who is around and what is happening with their children and avoid falling prey to the “man fix” as not everyone who helps does so with the best intention.
Mothers can use the help of the mentor but can’t depend on the mentor to satisfy all of their children’s needs. Mothers should be having three conversations with their children when getting help from others:
1) No adult is supposed to touch you ever and if that happens, you need to tell me immediately.
2) No adult should tell you to do something that is wrong and if an adult tells you to do something you feel is wrong you should tell me immediately.
3) No adult should be asking you to keep a secret because there are no secrets between an adult and small child. If that occurs, you should tell me immediately.
Mothers may rely on a fix for their problems but remember that a fix is temporary and is never a replacement for the real thing.